We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
