Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
