my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
