I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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