i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize