Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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