Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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