You're completely useless in the revolution.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
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He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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