you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
