what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
