My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Randomize
