I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
