i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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