they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
