dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
