you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
