You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
