I'm really into asian looking animals
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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