im about as happy as oj after his trial
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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