I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
there's paper in my vomit.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
