I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
