no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am one with the molecules
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.