I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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