1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize