I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
