he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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