Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
COCAINE IS GR8
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
