Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
