All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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