He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
