My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
