lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
