Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
should my penis look like a turkey
cat food counts as protein by the way
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
