we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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