All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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