are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
