i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
