how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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