u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
