Do you still have your period?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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