I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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