so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
