Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
