She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
