Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
