Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
