so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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