I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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