No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
