I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
