he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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