I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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