high people should be assigned attendants
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
