My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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