I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
