i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
