so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Who died my cat blue again?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
