My nipple is on Facebook.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I believe in your delicious
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
