After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
