my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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