Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
