idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
