i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
