I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
