just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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