Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
