Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
